• 1AM thoughts – insomniac.

    3rd Nov 2019 by

    i’ve been wanting to write for such a long time. i’ve been depressed and low and down and you can tell by the sudden bulging of my waistline i’ve been wanting to write on MY blog which I made with MY intentions, but a voice has been telling me that nothing about my life would… Read more

  • lies.

    12th Oct 2019 by

    i lie to myself quite frequently… i feel better convincing myself that i don’t like people …than admitting that i don’t know how be around them.

  • psychological burnout.

    6th Oct 2019 by

    i’ve got psychological burnout… the motivation that swam in my head this morning’s since drowned. i’ve had a lot done today… but somehow i don’t feel proud. i don’t know if the dark cloud that lives in my head is once again using my mind as its playground. i woke up motivated. throughout the day… Read more

  • thoughts at 1AM…dreams

    3rd Oct 2019 by

    the nature of dreams is bewildering to me.. too confound… on one hand they’re what makes the human experience profound on the other, they’re just fantasies running through your mind unbound .. on one hand, life is what i make of it and on the other “yeah man its probably not gonna work out”… ….i… Read more

  • summer…

    1st Oct 2019 by

    so i’m back in uni again. i’d been so bored… i longed for the summer, then the summer came then i longed for the ‘order‘ and the ‘systematicness‘ and the busyness and the anxiety that came with being in uni .. my first day of lectures i was there an hour early… eager and excited… Read more

  • imagine …

    12th Sep 2019 by

    imagine if i stopped second guessing myself for a second. … if i insisted the way i express myself and dress myself and see myself be strengthened…. imagine… if i loved myself ALL the time… looking at my own reflection as a worthy dose of refreshment. … or if the woes of the world and… Read more

  • expectations …

    7th Sep 2019 by

    im exhausted. i can’t be who i’m expected to be i can’t feel what they expect me to feel… sometimes i will resent this face that the world so ardently tells me i shouldn’t because its acceptable enough … other times i will want to allow the mountain of pressure that is motherhood and maintaining… Read more

  • soul in turmoil.

    31st Aug 2019 by

    i wasn’t happy today. i dont particularly know why and i’m too tired to figure it out. all i know is that one minute, the world was my oyster… the next minute i felt like laying on the ground and melting into the soil. …my soul in turmoil.

  • resentment

    28th Aug 2019 by

    i find it so hard to forgive… i don’t know what it is about resentment that fills my chest with a bittersweet coolness i find so uncomfortable, but miss when she dares fade … i can’t understand how resentment is the water that nourishes the crimson weed that grows near my heart, rich in colour… Read more

  • suffering alone.

    26th Aug 2019 by

    ‘…life goes on…‘ …what an incredibly liberating phrase… …but so incredibly disconsolate, too.

  • chaos.

    25th Aug 2019 by

    …so i’ve come to be at peace with the chaos inside my mind sometimes …terrible and turbulent and treacherous and tumultuous and tempestuous and UPROARIOUS the chaos may be. …i’ve confronted it and contested it and battled it and struggled with it and resisted it many times …but i’ve failed many times. so i’ve come… Read more

  • …happy.

    24th Aug 2019 by

    …today i’ve been kind to myself, and patient … …ignoring the powerful critical voice in my head’s been the hardest… …but having done so, today i’ve been so efficient … …of all the things i’ve achieved, this has been, by far, the bravest… …to be honest, today’s been the greatest.

  • i feel ridicuous…

    24th Aug 2019 by

    …help… i feel ridiculous.. I’m having an existential crisis. i feel like life is passing me by yet everything is still timeless i feel lifeless … …theres brightness in this world i know it and it mocks my blindness taunting me and teasing me and ribbing me, its ruthless.. i don’t want to die but… Read more

  • my only friend…

    23rd Aug 2019 by

    …my depression is my only friend ..because she’s all i have in this world …or at least thats what she tells me to seemingly no end… …she gives me beautiful words to use as expression.. …but plays that joke she loves of not helping me get gratification.. …she bullies me so… she comes from nowhere… Read more

  • 9 AM thoughts…

    23rd Aug 2019 by

    …i woke up at 7 today and felt stuck in a minute till 8. …today’s started off weird. Today started off with my 2AM thoughts and everything is weird. …i decided to sleep on my floor last night because there is something therapeutic for me about sleeping on my thick fluffy rug with the fan… Read more

  • 2AM thoughts…

    23rd Aug 2019 by

    God i’m bored. I feel so empty yet too full within. I feel so bored yet too overwhelmed… i feel so busy yet life feels so stationary ! my motherhood duties resumed today. the thought that everything has to go back to being systematic after a whole week’s break (on bedrest but still, rest) terrifies… Read more

  • My Journey #2

    15th Aug 2019 by

    It’s not domestic abuse if you refuse to be beaten, right? Its not domestic abuse if they spit on your face and you spit back they sit on your chest and you bite them they kick your head and you go at it with fists flying blindly tears streaming ferociously insults hurling continuously screams ringing… Read more

  • urgh

    14th Oct 2019 by

    …i can’t help but judge myself so harshly 3 spots on another girl “you’re fine” but when it comes to myself “so ugly” a slight hang on my stomach “unbearably repulsive” yet on another “don’t worry your figure’s lovely” …shortcomings in motherhood on myself a “colossal failure” but on another “you’re trying your best, clearly”… Read more

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