resentment

i find it so hard to forgive…

i don’t know what it is about resentment that fills my chest with a bittersweet coolness i find so uncomfortable, but miss when she dares fade …

i can’t understand how resentment is the water that nourishes the crimson weed that grows near my heart, rich in colour and vitality you could mistake it for a rose …

or the way she caresses me… the way she comforts me when my heart vainly attempts to persuade me towards forgiveness, resentment whispers softly and sweetly to my conscience hold on…just a little longer and they’ll come grovelling back again !

i realise that this resentment is warm water to a droughty mouth…. barely satisfying…

but i greedily chug away regardless … because i deserve it !i don’t care that they apologised, i deserve to be angry !

…resentment has made a friend with my pride and together they destroy my prospects for peace …

…a wise somebody once instructed me to “forgive…not because they deserve it…but because you deserve peace” and i believed them…

but resentment sings songs to me…they’re sweet and they make sense to me…she’s on my side and she always shows this to me…she reminds me how the world has always been so cruel to me…and it doesn’t matter if they grovel, they do not deserve to be, once more, close to me…

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