My Journey #8

Let me shock you….I’ve never really had confidence.

So i’ve always given in to mocking and judgements as a consequence

As you know, it started with a woman who took advantage of my childhood innocence

She convinced me that all that i was or tried to be would prove nothing but my incompetence

She would laugh at me and mock me – my weight, my spots, my hair, my crying, and sometimes with an audience, she would mock my intelligence

she’d get me to cry or provoke me to anger (yes, against God’s own commandment) all so she could have some evidence of my supposed arrogance

“Look everyone, isn’t she just a nuisance”

“You’re right my sistah the child needs some proper African DOMINANCE… AND MAKE SURE YOU DO IT WITH PROMINENCE AND IN NO TIME THAT ATTITUDE OF ANDILE’S WILL BE GONE WITH GOOD RIDDANCE”

I was miserable, as you know, and longed just for distance from this woman, i’d even even climb the tallest of mountains and i’d even consider violence or some other kind of vengeance

“i’m leaving. and i’m never coming back.” 8 years and i never went back and will never go back and let me tell you something, so has begun my journey to being CONFIDENT.

..in myself, my life, my choices and in what others might think of me, i’m no longer frightened.

The day i left her house will forever be something of a mental monument of the day i chose to make mySELF my own happiness’ agent

and in that regard theres no argument because it’s evident (from the moment of that one incident) that maybe your own path to true self discovery is by being away from whomever or whatever makes you feel small or irrelevant.