My Journey #3

I wanna let you know who i am but first, let me figure out who i am.

I wanna let you know where i come from but first let me try and remember if i ever had a home.

I can let you in on my secret of the voice which remains secret in my head which whispers i’m not enough the voice in my head which tells me i’m in my head when just a little bit of joy tickles my senses and it tells me ‘it wont last’ and i believe it and i feel it and i let it let me down slowly and i hide my disappointment behind a i’m not bothered when bother is all i’ve ever known.

…i wanna tell you about my childhood. Or my lack of. Or my lack of memory of. Or my undeserving of. Or my lack of understanding of. Or my undeserving of or my lack of memory of or whatever.

…..it tells me that i’m a croc at a black tie event. A pork scratching at a bar mitzvar. A non-alcoholic beverage in the vodka isle or better yet, a warm beer. …she tells me that i’m a guitar with 2 strings and a remote with no batteries a soul with no God and a weed amongst flowers a brain without the ‘manual’ or a pound shop right next to a 99p store or a lone hyena or a loner or a weirdo and “you’re nothing” or an embarrassment, thats it. a pointless embarrassment.

…i have a tenacity though. who have you ever known to rock a croc and a sock while surrounded by prestige and another version of beauty. the world is full and someone somewhere can shock and knock you with the explosion of rhythm all in the merit of a 2 string guitar ! …. and female hyena’s rule you know and loners are strong willed you know and the thing about being a black sheep is that you get to march to your own beat you know !!! and a warm beer has more flavour, you know that right?

…and you do know about the being who turned nothing into everything…..right?