My Journey #4

…you wake up one day and it’s no longer there. the emptiness you felt in all of your yesterdays or the pain you felt after he left you or she died or they mocked and laughed at you and called you weird and annoying and embarrassing and pathetic.

…you wake up one day and the voices aren’t as loud and their insults or rather stern instructions and comments don’t leave you wanting to be one with the ground or hide under your own carpet or sleep, but not die lest I go to hell , forever or at least 10 years or rather, be numb.

…you wake up one day and you are over it ! the hurt and the pain and the anger and the resentment and the blaming and the blaming and the world has done this and the world has done that and the hypocrite’s prayer of THOSE WHO HAVE WRONGED ME MAY THEY BURN AND PERISH UNDER YOUR POWER LORD as if you have never hurt or wronged any other.

…you wake up one day and the day is too long and the day is too full and you find yourself tired of bitterness.

…you wake up one d…… LIES !! you’ve grown accustomed to the tang of hate that when the hate is gone you remind yourself and the pains of yesterday have gone you chase after them with all of your might and you get right back on it when life dares make you get over it and you remind the world that you will never forget how it did this and how it did that and you repeat the daily prayer of LET THEM PERISH LORD, THOSE WHO HAVE HURT MEEEEE !!!!

…somebody once said that hating is a disease and apparently there’s an antidote but who am I kidding I don’t want it.

…they said that hating is an addiction like an addiction yes that addiction and i see it because life has given me plenty of antidotes for the disease or chances for soberness but it is never long before you are running after your daily fix of hate when life has dared chase it away !

…I promise I’ll be ready though… one day, to accept that the hate that has become my home and the bitterness I carry so proudly and the resentment i latch onto so passionately or the pain I make room for so willingly, has, too, decided to leave me once more.